Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
