She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
