she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize