Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
