I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
