All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
