I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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