I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
