Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
