That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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