I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I cockslap morals
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
