People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
