Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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