we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
