I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
