come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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