If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
