If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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