There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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