Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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