dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
