Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
