so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
