I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
