I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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