i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You can't special order awesome
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
