New invention idea: vibrating tampons
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
