Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
