I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
