It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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