just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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