last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
