are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
