carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i barfeds in our rink
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
