9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Bring me that man meat
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
