Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
