You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
