I can feel you judging me through the phone.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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