How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
