Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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