roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize