I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
