Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
