Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
