Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
