Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
