ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
