Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Success! We fucked roommates!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
