How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
