Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
