I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
