I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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