i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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