so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
