I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
