So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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