But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i think i just lost a toe
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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