Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
