I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
