I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just invented taco cereal.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
