Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
