You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
