i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
