omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
