Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
