I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
