dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
