Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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