Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
