But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Someone signed my nipple.
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