My nipple is on Facebook.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
