You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
