I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize