I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize